The worst part of missing someone is not knowing the real reason why he/she left. This is a real torture especially if it happened unexpectedly. You keep asking yourself a never ending why… why it happened all of a sudden when everything seemed to be going just fine.
Letting it go maybe the most sane thing to do but at the back of your mind you still keep on asking why all of sudden you are left alone and why you can’t seem to find the reason behind it. You keep on revisiting the past in the hope of finding a pattern or even a tiny bit of hint but at the end of they day you’re still left with no clue at all and instead of finding what you are looking for, you ended up more confused.
So, maybe you really need to move on and let it go for now. Just hope that one day, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. One day, you will know why it happened and hopefully appreciate the fact that it happened.
Sometimes, the people we meet in random occasions can leave a huge impact in our lives.
It was one beautiful morning in 2015, I got up early, took a long shower, had a quick breakfast, got dressed and headed out to start a rather beautiful and exciting day. A few minutes after I left the door, I saw this stranger’s beautiful face, in what seemed like his most sleepy state. I ignored that picture, acted normally and pretended that it was just one of those random faces I see on a daily basis. Hours and minutes passed by and that picture was still in my head so I decided that maybe I should try to entertain that thought. Fortunately, I had the chance to have a small conversation with him and it was like an instant connection the moment he started talking. That small talk led to more conversations, laughters, meals and a couple of drinks… all in one day. Just when I thought the friendship was starting to build up, it was already about time for a goodbye hug. It was saying goodbye to a new found friend without knowing if there was a small bit of chance of seeing him again. We literally walked on opposite direction and I didn’t bother to look back because I didn’t want to miss him since I was not sure if I would have the chance to see him again.
With a bit of luck and with the help of technology, we managed to keep the communication line open for a few weeks after we parted ways that night. During the course of that virtual communication, I learned a few things from him and I realized a few things that I never thought would be possible before I met him. Those little conversations led to seeing him again in person, dining and talking with him across the table. When it was time to say goodbye again, I hugged him and said goodnight because for me it was not goodbye yet. Same thing, I went straight to the door and he drove way, without looking back. That was the second and last time I saw him. As of this day, we still have our communication line open but it’s dead most of the time, nothing more than one-liners once in a while. At this point, I really don’t have a slightest clue if I’m gonna see him or hear from him again. I don’t know if we can still keep the communication line open after tomorrow. If it was all up to me, I don’t want to lose whatever friendship there is. If it was all up to me, I wanna see him again and have some silly, sarcastic but meaningful conversations with him over dinner and maybe a couple of drinks after.
Do I miss him? Yes, I do miss talking to him. It’s always fun talking to him, even if he’s full of sarcastic comments and reactions on certain topics. Sometimes, it’s the silly, funny and shallow things that can lighten up our gloomy days. Sometimes it’s the sarcastic comments that could make us smile and forget even for a little while that we are in the middle of a hectic schedule and that our stress level is already above the roof. Did he inspire me in any way? Yes, he inspired me to do one of the things that I fear the most. Well, I hope our paths will cross again somehow somewhere someday.
P.S. If you happen to read this, which I think is possible eventually, I just want to let you know that I really appreciate that “gesture”… it was very thoughtful of you. Oh, I’m sure you know what I mean 😉 Hope to see you again somewhere someday.
How time flies… I almost didn’t notice that it’s been three years now since I decided to pack my bags and leave the big city life behind. I must admit I didn’t plan on staying here this long but hey, I’m still here and not planning on leaving soon.
I can still remember the look on my friends’ faces when I told them about my decision. They know that I love to travel and I love the occasional adventures in life but what they couldn’t seem to understand was the fact that I decided to move to a secluded place knowing the kind of lifestyle I had in the city. I still remember how my parents, especially my mother, disapproved of the idea but everything was already set and there was no backing out anymore. My friends even had a bet that I wouldn’t last for more than six months but I told them I wouldn’t take that bet because I didn’t want them to lose… but now I wish did, it could have bought me a new handbag 🙂
The view from my [old] 18F condo unit. I kind of miss this place now
It was the biggest decision I’ve made so far. Moving to a new place, where I didn’t know anybody, didn’t speak and understand the language, literally and figuratively far from the modern civilization, was such a challenge. The first few weeks experiences were a mixture of culture shock and homesickness. I’m a Filipina and lived in the Philippines practically my whole life, except for that two-month work assignment in the US years ago and the holidays outside the country, but the culture here is just so different from what I’m used to.
The work itself is really challenging and I like it… but the place is not so appealing especially for someone like me who used to work in the business districts and used to come to work in business attire, well-groomed hair, make up and high heels with matching handbag. My work demanded more and more of my time each day and I almost didn’t notice the days and weeks passing by during the first six months. I slowly learned to speak and understand Visayan language, learned how to deal with people especially co-workers who are not used to my pace, learned to like and appreciate my surroundings. I was aware that some people didn’t like my presence for reasons I can’t seem to comprehend but it didn’t discourage me a bit. There will always be those people who would wish for our failure but there’s no use wasting our precious time dealing with them and it is entirely up to us if we would succumb to it. Being tough is really tough but at the end of the day, it’s us who really know who we are, what we are capable of and what we are made of. So I say get tougher each day and enjoy the adventures of life every single day.
I tried to recall some of the small and funny things I’ve learned and experienced here in Cebu, in no particular order…
1. I learned how to walk gracefully and confidently in flats. In fact I own nearly a dozen pair of flats now. High heels were my best friends and I couldn’t walk gracefully and comfortably in flats three years ago. I really miss wearing heels to work now, at least I still get to wear them whenever I go to the head office in Manila.
i guess one of the secrets of being happy in life is learning to adapt without really sacrificing the more important things
2. I twisted my ankles more than three times as i was really trying to wear heels. I decided that I should stop trying before I seriously hurt myself. The worst part is that it will have a really negative impact on the company in case of a serious injury due to wearing high heels. Declaring a lost time accident due to a heels-related injury is really embarrassing and I will surely be reprimanded for that. So, I told myself… Get used to wearing flats.. period!
3. Learned how to eat rice meal for breakfast 2 to 3 times a week. I’m not a big fan of rice but sometimes i just couldn’t resist it when it’s already in front of me and I didn’t have time to throw two slices of bread into the toaster. I prefer coffee and toasts with butter and marmalade for breakfast.
4. Learned to appreciate the small things that I wouldn’t normally get interested in or take notice of in Manila such as eating fried chicken and sweet spaghetti at Jollibee, having coffee in a dodgy-looking place because there is no other place to get a not-so-nice cup of cappuccino, planting roses and enjoying the afternoon in the garden watering plants.
5. Learned how to stretch my patience to the highest possible limit.
6. Learned how to toughen up each day.
7. Experienced swimming with the whale sharks.
one summer morning at Oslob, Cebu
8. Learned and enjoyed the culture… for me, being in a new place means actually “experiencing” the place.
9. Experienced riding a motorcycle (as public transpo.. I was with my friend then, it happened only once I don’t plan on doing it again)
10. Experienced the beauty and adventure of the famous Sinulog festival.
finally found the parade after long hours of walking and getting lost
11. Had my share of durian flavored latte at Waterfront hotel. I don’t like durian but the coffee was not so bad, it was an experience after all. It’s better than eating balut.
12. Experienced the barbecue food culture in Larsian. I’m not into that kind of place, but I still tried it for culture/experience sake. I’m not adventurous when it comes to food unless I personally cooked/prepared it.
13. Traveling over the fog-covered mountains of Transcentral high way and picking up veggies, fruits and eating boiled sweetcorn along the way.
14. I guess I should stop here for now, the list is really long and it still gets longer everyday… but the most important of all, I had new experiences that taught me how to deal with life and enjoy it to the fullest inspite of all the challenges that came with it . I met new people and made new friends.. some of them will be my good friends for life no matter which part of the world we may be in the future.
So I say, explore while you can and give in to the adventurous side of you. Don’t look back one day wondering and asking too many “WHAT IFs”…. don’t stop wandering!
A few years back, I decided to pack all of my stuff and head somewhere far away from all the good memories that I wanted to bury deep enough that nobody could ever unearth. Life was not exciting anymore; going to work was a struggle every day and it seemed like frustrations were all over me. So, one morning I decided to finally do something.
First thing on the list: find a new job somewhere far.
It didn’t take long before an irresistible opportunity landed before my eyes. I knew instantly this was what I wanted, the one that I’ve been waiting for so long. After some not-so-thorough thinking, the green light was on and I was on my journey to yet another big challenge.
These days, whenever that feeling of being alone hits me, I just tell myself that this is one of the consequences of getting what I wanted. Maybe this is the price I have to pay for getting the kind of career success I’m enjoying now. Whenever I feel like being stabbed in the back by those people who want to see me fail; I tell myself to be still, to be strong, to keep moving forward but turn and fight back if necessary.
Sometimes I think that if it was not for a failed relationship and an extremely broken heart, I wouldn’t be where I am right now, physically and professionally. I may not have someone to cuddle up with at the end of a stressful day, I may not have someone to cheer me up and tell me “don’t stress yourself too much darling, everything’s gonna be alright” when things go beyond my control, I may not have someone to go on holidays with or someone who would cook my favorite red sauce pasta when he’s home and I’m working, someone to have coffee with after a long walk at the mall, and most of all, someone to enjoy life with… yes I don’t have it all now…. but at the end of the day, I’m still thankful and happy for all that I have now.
When the L word hits me, I just tell myself… “Maybe one day, it will land before your eyes unexpectedly.” For now, I have accepted the fact that I can’t have everything and maybe he is still too focused on his career as well that’s why we haven’t had the chance of meeting yet.
Someday soon… I know we will meet each other, whoever you are and wherever you are right now. I just don’t know how soon is soon… see you 😉