Category Archives: Wandering Thoughts

Suddenly You’re Alone

The worst part of missing someone is not knowing the real reason why he/she left. This is a real torture especially if it happened unexpectedly. You keep asking yourself a never ending why… why it happened all of a sudden when everything seemed to be going just fine.

Letting it go maybe the most sane thing to do but at the back of your mind you still keep on asking why all of sudden you are left alone and why you can’t seem to find the reason behind it. You keep on revisiting the past in the hope of finding a pattern or even a tiny bit of hint but at the end of they day you’re still left with no clue at all and instead of finding what you are looking for, you ended up more confused.

So, maybe you really need to move on and let it go for now. Just hope that one day, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. One day, you will know why it happened and hopefully appreciate the fact that it happened.

I Miss The Friend And The Short-lived Friendship

Sometimes, the people we meet in random occasions can leave a huge impact in our lives.

It was one beautiful morning in 2015, I got up early, took a long shower, had a quick breakfast, got dressed and headed out to start a rather beautiful and exciting day. A few minutes after I left the door, I saw this stranger’s beautiful face, in what seemed like his most sleepy state. I ignored that picture, acted normally and pretended that it was just one of those random faces I see on a daily basis. Hours and minutes passed by and that picture was still in my head so I decided that maybe I should try to entertain that thought. Fortunately, I had the chance to have a small conversation with him and it was like an instant connection the moment he started talking. That small talk led to more conversations, laughters, meals and a couple of drinks… all in one day.  Just when I thought the friendship was starting to build up, it was already about time for a goodbye hug. It was saying goodbye to a new found friend without knowing if there was a small bit of chance of seeing him again. We literally walked on opposite direction and I didn’t bother to look back because I didn’t want to miss him since I was not sure if I would have the chance to see him again.

With a bit of luck and with the help of technology, we managed to keep the communication line open for a few weeks after we parted ways that night. During the course of that virtual communication, I learned a few things from him and I realized a few things that I never thought would be possible before I met him. Those little conversations led to seeing him again in person, dining and talking with him across the table. When it was time to say goodbye again, I hugged him and said goodnight because for me it was not goodbye yet. Same thing, I went straight to the door and he drove way, without looking back. That was the second and last time I saw him. As of this day, we still have our communication line open but it’s dead most of the time, nothing more than one-liners once in a while. At this point, I really don’t have a slightest clue if I’m gonna see him or hear from him again. I don’t know if we can still keep the communication line open after tomorrow. If it was all up to me, I don’t want to lose whatever friendship there is. If it was all up to me, I wanna see him again and have some silly, sarcastic but meaningful conversations with him over dinner and maybe a couple of drinks after.

Do I miss him? Yes, I do miss talking to him. It’s always fun talking to him, even if he’s full of sarcastic comments and reactions on certain topics. Sometimes, it’s the silly, funny and shallow things that can lighten up our gloomy days. Sometimes it’s the sarcastic comments that could make us smile and forget even for a little while that we are in the middle of a hectic schedule and that our stress level is already above the roof. Did he inspire me in any way? Yes, he inspired me to do one of the things that I fear the most.  Well, I hope our paths will cross again somehow somewhere someday.

P.S. If you happen to read this, which I think is possible eventually, I just want to let you know that I really appreciate that “gesture”… it was very thoughtful of you. Oh, I’m sure you know what I mean 😉 Hope to see you again somewhere someday.

Someday Soon

A few years back, I decided to pack all of my stuff and head somewhere far away from all the good memories that I wanted to bury deep enough that nobody could ever unearth. Life was not exciting anymore; going to work was a struggle every day and it seemed like frustrations were all over me. So, one morning I decided to finally do something.

First thing on the list: find a new job somewhere far.

It didn’t take long before an irresistible opportunity landed before my eyes. I knew instantly this was what I wanted, the one that I’ve been waiting for so long. After some not-so-thorough thinking, the green light was on and I was on my journey to yet another big challenge.

These days, whenever that feeling of being alone hits me, I just tell myself that this is one of the consequences of getting what I wanted. Maybe this is the price I have to pay for getting the kind of career success I’m enjoying now. Whenever I feel like being stabbed in the back by those people who want to see me fail; I tell myself to be still, to be strong, to keep moving forward but turn and fight back if necessary.

Sometimes I think that if it was not for a failed relationship and an extremely broken heart, I wouldn’t be where I am right now, physically and professionally. I may not have someone to cuddle up with at the end of a stressful day, I may not have someone to cheer me up and tell me “don’t stress yourself too much darling, everything’s gonna be alright” when things go beyond my control, I may not have someone to go on holidays with or someone who would cook my favorite red sauce pasta when he’s home and I’m working, someone to have coffee with after a long walk at the mall, and most of all, someone to enjoy life with… yes I don’t have it all now…. but at the end of the day, I’m still thankful and happy for all that I have now.

When the L word hits me, I just tell myself… “Maybe one day, it will land before your eyes unexpectedly.” For now, I have accepted the fact that I can’t have everything and maybe he is still too focused on his career as well that’s why we haven’t had the chance of meeting yet.

Someday soon… I know we will meet each other, whoever you are and wherever you are right now. I just don’t know how soon is soon… see you 😉

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