I Feel Like Going Home Now

Running away from things that don’t make us happy anymore doesn’t mean giving up.

When I decided to accept my current job, I was so excited and hopeful that I could travel around the country. I was really looking forward to exploring all the gorgeous beaches, and the places that I’ve wanted to visit.  Working away from home and traveling around the country on weekends sound perfect, especially with a free roundtrip (domestic) airfare once a month.

All these excitements and hopes died as early as my first weekend here. It was like a never-ending work and stress more than 12 hours a day Monday to Saturday and a few more hours on Sunday. I seldom experience a real weekend and I’m already feeling sick and tired of it all.

One evening while working until midnight, I found myself crying in front of my laptop. This was the first time my work made me cry. I was feeling so frustrated, tired, stressed and unhappy about how things turned out. With tears all over my face, I whispered “I wanna go home now.” I’m not happy being here anymore. The nature of the job itself is something that I was looking forward to but the circumstances that surround it are the things that make it more complicated.  There are things in this job that are beyond my control and all I could do is hope and pray and that things would turn out right one morning. Being in this place is already a big challenge for me, and dealing with people who seem to pray for my failure is another thing.

Part of me wants to stay here longer, for as long as they need me here. Other part of me tells me that I should go back home and find another job and/or place that look and sound normal. I said those words mainly because whenever I tell my friends where I am right now, I never fail to get a what-are-you-doing- there kind  of reaction. They cant seem to understand how on earth I got here and what made me take this job. Well, two things are for sure… I love the nature of the job and coming to this place sounds like an adventure.

I hope that things will turn out right in the coming days, and I hope that my sudden desire to go home will somehow change.. for the better. I know there will always be challenges and hardships wherever I may be, it’s just that I’m not happy being here anymore.

 

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